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Old Farts Sex Life
What Happened when Anne had an Accident
The Lives of Old Farts
composed by Bobby Baldie
Dinger and Raymond were in a
hospital one day complaining about nurse Crozier. "She's
incredibly mixed up," says Raymond. "She does everything absolutely
backwards. Just last week she was told to give me 2 milligrams
of morphine every 10 hours, but instead she gave me 10 milligrams
every two hours. I damn near died!" Dinger said, "that's
nothing, last week she was told to give me an enema every 24 hours,
instead she tried to give me 24 enemas in an hour, I damn nearly
exploded!" Suddenly the hear this blood curdling scream from
down the hall. "Oh my god! " exclaimed Dinger. "Fuck, nurse Crozier
was just told to prick Fred Crowe's boil!!"
One day...John wanted his bull and
a cow to mate; he tried everything but couldn't get the two
together. So he went to get some advice from Graham Greenhill
who had the same problem. Graham told him to put his hand up
his cows fanny and then rub it round the bulls nose. He went
back to the farm and tried it out - the bull and the cow were at it
non stop! He went home wondering if it would work on
humans. That night he rubbed his hand round his wifes fanny
and rubbed it in round his face, almost instantaneously he got his
biggest ever erection. Amazed he nudged his wife and said
"here look at this"
She replied" have you just woken me up to show me you have a nose
Dick Brodie gets re married and
takes his new bride on honeymoon. The caretaker of the fishing
resort notices that Dick is spending all his time fishing and none
with his new bride. He asks Dick "why are you spending all day
out on the lake fishing when you could be making love to that fine
"Well", Dick said, "I would but she has gonorrhea"!
"Wow" says the caretaker, "but there are other things you could do
"I know " says Dick, "but you see she also has diahorrhea"!
"But still, there are other things you could be doing to her" said
"Well she also has pyorrhoea" (gum disease) says Dick!
"Damn Man, why did you marry this bird?"
"Well she also has worms and I love to fish!"
Ginger Cook went to the local
chemist and asked for the pharmacist for some Viagra.
The pharmacist said "That's no problem, how many would you like?"
Ginge replied, "Just a few, maybe half a dozen, but could you cut
them into four pieces?"
The pharmacist said "That's to small a dose. That wont get you
Ginge said, "Oh that's all right. I'm eighty years old and I don't
even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough
so I don't pee on my shoes."
Bunkers Bell at the age of 70
meets a beautiful 17 year old girl, and it's love at first sight.
They get married and go to Florida for thier honeymoon. When
they get back, Ginger Cook says to him, "So, tell me, how was it?"
"Oh, it was beautiful," says bunkers.
"The sun, the surf, we made love almost every night, we--" Ging
interupts him. "A man of your age! How did you make love almost
every night?" "Oh," says Bunkers, "we almost made love Monday, we
almost made love Tuesday.........."
Echoes of John Easton
1975 Team which beat Crieff to go to the National Leagues?