Strathie have been very lucky over the years to attract a Kiwi contingent which started with Coach Jono Philips then Jason ‘the heid’ Leslie joined us from Aberdeen.  This year we are delighted and lucky to have Mike ‘Turbo Dick’ Purser and David Atchison.  It turns out that we were very lucky to get David as he may have had to stay in Aus.  On the way to the airport he was driving over Sydney Bridge when he sees his girlfriend ready to jump off!  He pulls over & says ‘Christ Sheila, wot ya doin?” She says, “U got me pregnant Dave, & now I’m gonna jump off the bridge you bastard.”  He replies, “Strueth, not only are you a good fuck, but you’re a good sport too!”

Bobbie Baldy aka Mr Baldie

Position: Vice President / Program Manager / Social Organiser

Age: About 41

Background: School Teacher..

Web Site: Click Here

Jesus's Mum & Dad

Colin Bell aka Jesus

Position: Flanker, shirt number 7.

Age: 21

Background: Brickie

Sponsor:  The Old Farts

Web Site: Click Here

Position:  winger or full back, shirt number’s 11, 14 or 15.

Age:

Background: Property Surveyor

Position:  scrum half, stand off or centre, shirt numbers 9, 10, 12 or 13. Mike is also our Backs Coach, I think he is 36 and works as a Chef.& Kicking Coach.
 Been in hospital with a bad case of "house-maids knee" - thats what he gets for being a school dinner lady!

Age: 36

Background: Chef

Position:  Winger, shirt numbers 11 or 14.

Age: 23

Background: Teacher at Forfar Academy,  Nearly wore 'The Dick Of The Day' Jammies at Aberdeenshire

Yvonne Cargill

Position: Club House Bookings Secretary

Age: 21

Background: Works with Tayside Police, Ex Arbroath Fish Wifie

Occupation: Student of 'Love Studies' - Abertay Uni

Position: Backrow, Centre and pages 73 - 75 of the Karma Sutra

Home Town: Moniefieth - a posh gadgee then!

Clubs: Carnoustie, Morgan, Glenrothes, Dunfermiline, Howe of Fife, Angus Colts.

Achievements to date: Played at Scottish Schools level in 1997, however he got dropped when he got his pubes... although has recently found that shaving his balls enhances his performance.  He has got 5 sisters, also all cleanly shaved and legal!

One day.... When Kenny was at school, the teacher announced, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Kenny said "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow Kenny, that's a mouthfull."
Kenny replied, "No, Miss Rogers, your thinking of a blowjob."

Position:

Age:

Background:

Clubs: Lismore; Pitlochry

Position: Prop & Bus Captain

Age:

Background: Famously took control of a match at the Orkney 7's, was the brain behind 'The Dick Of The Day'

Position: Prop

Age: 19

Background:

Awards: First ever wearer of 'The Dick Of The Day Jamies'

Position:  Allegedly depends on how much she has had to drink - Plugs Bird

Age: Student

Background:??

Website: Click Here

Joint Chief Drinking Supporter with Deek ' Fat Boy Slim' Simm

Age:

Background: Joiner

Position: Sean Gray aka Big Balls

Position: Winger shirt number 11 or 14

Age: 20

Background: University Geek

Web Site: Click Here

Position: 2nd Row shirt number 4

Sponsored by: Ingram Homes

Born: 1984

Background: Accounts Administrator

Web Site: Click Here

One day young Stu walks into his parents bedroom and catches his dad giving his mum one, his dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts ‘get out!’  A little while later Stu’s dad hears a commotion coming from little Stu’s room, he rushes in and is horrified to see Stu shagging his gran – Stu just looks at him and says ‘not so fucking funny when it’s your mum is it?’
 

David Hull aka 'Glory Hole Boy'

Position: Centre, shirt number 12 or 13

Age: 20

Background: Student in Newcastle - Toon Planning

David had to come off last week during the Trinity game for constipation, Deek drove him to hospital.  The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories.  I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you one for later on in the evening."  Later that evening, David asks his lass to insert the suppository.  She agrees reluctantly.  Suddenly, 'Glory Hole Boy' shrieks, "Aahhhhh!"  "Whats wrong" Did I hurt you?" she asks.  "No.... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders"

Web Site: Click Here

Position: Club Secretary, 120 Club Convener, Registration Manager and Child Protection Officer.

Age: 54

Background: Instrumental in setting up Junior Rugby many years ago.
Played for Strathie (the best club in the world!) from 1976 to the late 90s (willing to consider coming out of retirement if the price is right!) Job - Social Work.

Feeling the effect of the drink and basking in the ambience of scoring a try on his 18th Birthday against Glenrothes , he began to compare conquests with Geoff the Barman.  James looking out over the crowd at his birthday party said "You know Geoff, except for my girlfriend, two sisters, my mother and my Granny I've had sex with every woman in this room."  "Well then," responds Geoff, "between the two of us we've had them all."

Position: Coach & Second Row Forward, Played 1 - 8 through the years

DOB: 30/10/68

Background:

Insturmental in the success of Rugby at Strathie over the years  and for brining a whole flock of Kiwi's over to Scotland, just found out that his cousin coaches Marr Rugby in the same division.

Clubs Played For: Waitoh Juniors, Tiahape 1st XV, Kinton Army U 19, Te Kawau, Gordonians, Strathmore, NZ Oil Blacks, NZ Army Engineers Corp Team.

Honours: Scotland Clasics

Past 1st XV vice captain and Sevens captain. Clubs, Rannoch School, HKFC Grand Champions Team 1999, Aberdeen (Hong Kong) 10s, Strathmore and once more HKFC. 

The photo was taken during a game against Blairgowie when AJ almost got his lug torn off - 8 stiches.

last time I played for the1st XV  which was the same day I was able to play with AJ and Ross 2 of my 3 sons Mark, AJ and Ross.

DOB: Age 20

Position: Prop / Loose or Tighthead Prop 1, 2 or 3

Clubs Played for: Stobswell RFC, A.C.F, Strathmore

Honours: Scotland U18 / Blairgowrie 10's winner

Position: Flanker, shirt number 6

Age 18

Background: Apprentice Joiner & Team Piss Heid

Frank Murphy

Supporter

Age: 54

Background: Cork Man

Website: Click Here

Club President

Age:

Background Info: used to play 2nd Row

Position: On Top

Age: Difficult to tell

Background: Sturdy wee thing, into fashionable up to the date clothing - good at the runnin, the drinkin, etc. etc

Age 23

Position: #12

Background:  Newly arrived at Strathie previous clubs include Glenfield RU (NZ) and Surfers Paradise (Aus)

Currently residing in the New Road Brothel, he took a bird up the road - as soon as she saw his member she got dressed and complained to him - " you told me in the pub you had at least a foot!"

"Shit No" he replied - "I said I had athletes foot!"

Position: Master of the Web & Right or Left Wing

Age: 42

Background:  Not played for a long long time, bugered neck so cant anyway. Into athletics, hill running, former Thames Valley Harriers Captain, 

Former 1st Team Coach.  Took Strathie to National Division 3 winning promotion from the Caledonian Division during 2006/7 season.

Currently coaching with Strathmore Schools at Webster's High in Kirriemuir and looking after the alternative curriculum on2feet groups

Position: Hooker

Age: 35

Background: Former Dundee Tink

Position: 2nd Row, shirt number 5

Age: 22

Background: Sparky

Sponsored by: Pete Leslie

Website:  Click Here

Position: Prop , shirt number 2 or 3

Age

Background

Name: Kelvin Soppet
Occupation:  Purple Ronnie’s Biatch/ crocodile wrestler
AKA: Soapy (tit wank)
DOB: 21.3.80
Height: 5’ 8 1/2”
Weight: 85kg
Position: 1st Team 5 or 8 (its ‘stand off’ soft cock)
Home Town: Maramarua
Player Sponsor: Ian Robertson Contracts
Clubs: Maramarua; Onewhero; Hau    raki (North); Spalding
Achievements to date: 

He did a round trip to the national dogging championships in Wales christmas 2006, in his Green Skoda all without breaking down or losing erectile function.

Lived with Deek Simm... he is proud to have survived Deek’s cooking and still remained relatively skinny! (obviously nae mirrors in Deek’s hoose!)

However, his goldfish wasn’t so lucky.. It died One Day. The wifey next door looked over the fence to see Kelvin digging a hole Deek’s back garden. She asked, "Kelvin, why are you digging a hole in your garden?"
Kelvin replied, "Because I'm having a funeral for my Goldfish."
With a puzzled look on her face the wifey next door said, "Oh yes! But, Kelvin that is an awfy big hole for a Goldfish?"
Kelvin looked at her and replied, "That's because he's in your Fuckin' Cat."

Age 19

Position Left Wing (14)

Position: 5, 6, 8

Background: Played for  Perthsire & Strathmore

Position: Coach

Background: Architect and Welsh - say no more!

Position: Full Back, shirt no 15 & First XV Captain

Age

Background