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David Atchison

Strathie have been very lucky over the years to attract a Kiwi contingent which started with Coach Jono Philips then Jason ‘the heid’ Leslie joined us from Aberdeen.  This year we are delighted and lucky to have Mike ‘Turbo Dick’ Purser and David Atchison.  It turns out that we were very lucky to get David as he may have had to stay in Aus.  On the way to the airport he was driving over Sydney Bridge when he sees his girlfriend ready to jump off!  He pulls over & says ‘Christ Sheila, wot ya doin?” She says, “U got me pregnant Dave, & now I’m gonna jump off the bridge you bastard.”  He replies, “Strueth, not only are you a good fuck, but you’re a good sport too!”

The tales of Dave & Mike continue.......

After another hard game of Rugby Dave is all tucked up in bed with his teddy whilst Mike is desperately seeking his hole oot and aboot in the toon.  Mike keeps his scoring rate up and takes a young bird back to the rugby flat only to find Dave fast asleep sucking his thumb on the bottom bunk.  undaunted they quietly climb up into the top bunk,  Mike say's to the young lassie "in order not to embarrase Dave if he wakes up we'ed better keep it quiet", if you want it harder whisper lettuce and if you want a different position whisper tomato.  As they get down to busiess she's whispering tomato, lettuce, lettuce, tomato, lettuce Dave pips up from the bottom bunk " will you to stop making  f'n sandwiches, the mayonaise is dripping all over my face"!!

Bobbie Baldie

Bobbie Baldy aka Mr Baldie

Position: Committee Member

Background: School Teacher..

Web Site: Click Here

Leslie & Clive Bell
Leslie & Clive Bell

Jesus's Mum & Dad

Colin Bell

Colin Bell aka Jesus

Position: Flanker, shirt number 7.

Background: Brickie

Sponsor:  The Old Farts

Web Site: Click Here

Garry Black
Garry Black aka Buckets

Position:  winger or full back, shirt number’s 11, 14 or 15.

Background: Property Surveyor


Mike Bruce
Mike Bruce

Position:  scrum half, stand off or centre, shirt numbers 9, 10, 12 or 13. Mike is also our Backs Coach, I think he is 36 and works as a Chef.& Kicking Coach.
 Been in hospital with a bad case of "house-maids knee" - thats what he gets for being a school dinner lady!

Background: Chef



Stuart Caddel
Stuart Caddel

Position:  Winger, shirt numbers 11 or 14.

Background: Teacher at Forfar Academy, 





Glynis Cameron

Glynis Cameron

Old Tart

In charge of Merchandising, if you need a new pair of socks or a Strathie JockStrap she's your girl!!

E-Mail her Here

Stuart Cameron
Stuart Cameron aka Whitewash


Former 2ndXV Team Manager and player now Committee Member. 
Retired to the sidelines for a cigar and lots of beer.

Yvonne Cargill

Yvonne Cargill

Position: ??????

Age: 57

Background: Works with Tayside Police, Ex Arbroath Fish Wifie


  Kenny Christie AKA Samoan Joe

Occupation: Student of 'Love Studies' - Abertay Uni

Position: Backrow, Centre and pages 73 - 75 of the Karma Sutra

Home Town: Moniefieth - a posh gadgee then!

Clubs: Carnoustie, Morgan, Glenrothes, Dunfermiline, Howe of Fife, Angus Colts.

Achievements to date: Played at Scottish Schools level in 1997, however he got dropped when he got his pubes... although has recently found that shaving his balls enhances his performance.  He has got 5 sisters, also all cleanly shaved and legal!

One day.... When Kenny was at school, the teacher announced, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Kenny said "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow Kenny, that's a mouthfull."
Kenny replied, "No, Miss Rogers, your thinking of a blowjob."

Grant Dickson
Grant Dickson aka Veg

Position: Prop & Bus Captain

Background: Famously took control of a match at the Orkney 7's, was the brain behind 'The Dick Of The Day'


Jason Edwards
Jason Edwards aka Dundee Tink

Position: Prop

Age: 19


Awards: First ever wearer of 'The Dick Of The Day Jamies'

Laura Findlay
Laura Findlay aka Socket

Position:  Allegedly depends on how much she has had to drink - Plugs Bird

Website: Click Here


Duncan Fletcher
Duncan Fletcher

Joint Chief Drinking Supporter with Deek ' Fat Boy Slim' Simm

Background: Joiner


Sean Gray

Position: Sean Gray aka Big Balls

Position: Winger shirt number 11 or 14

Background: University Geek

Web Site: Click Here

Stuart Gray
Stuart Gray aka Disco Stu

Position: 2nd Row shirt number 4

Sponsored by: Ingram Homes

Born: 1984

Background: Accounts Administrator

Web Site: Click Here

One day young Stu walks into his parents bedroom and catches his dad giving his mum one, his dad just laughs, throws a pillow at him and shouts ‘get out!’  A little while later Stu’s dad hears a commotion coming from little Stu’s room, he rushes in and is horrified to see Stu shagging his gran – Stu just looks at him and says ‘not so fucking funny when it’s your mum is it?’

John 'Haggred' Hamilton AKA Big John
Occupation: Berry Barron
DOB: Chinese year of the "big f@cking hairy Yeti
Position: Lock
Home Town: a bothy outside Alyth
Achievements to date:
Strathmore Captain 1985 - 1989. Captained Strathies last promotion winning side in 1986. President Strathmore 1991 - 1996, current member of Strathie Old Farts


David Hull

David Hull aka 'Glory Hole Boy'

Position: Centre, shirt number 12 or 13

Background: Student in Newcastle - Toon Planning

David had to come off last week during the Trinity game for constipation, Deek drove him to hospital.  The doctor examined him and explained, "I'm going to give you some suppositories.  I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you one for later on in the evening."  Later that evening, David asks his lass to insert the suppository.  She agrees reluctantly.  Suddenly, 'Glory Hole Boy' shrieks, "Aahhhhh!"  "Whats wrong" Did I hurt you?" she asks.  "No.... I just realised that the doctor had both his hands on my shoulders"

Web Site: Click Here

Dave Innes
Dave Innes

Position: Club Secretary, 120 Club Convener, Registration Manager and Child Protection Officer.

Background: Instrumental in setting up Junior Rugby many years ago.
Played for Strathie (the best club in the world!) from 1976 to the late 90s (willing to consider coming out of retirement if the price is right!)
Job - Social Work.

  James Kiely AKA Jimmy Neutron
Position: Winger
D.O.B: 17/11/1989
Job: School Boy Slut / Life Gaurd / Glory Hole Borer

Feeling the effect of the drink and basking in the ambience of scoring a try on his 18th Birthday against Glenrothes , he began to compare conquests with Geoff the Barman.  James looking out over the crowd at his birthday party said "You know Geoff, except for my girlfriend, two sisters, my mother and my Granny I've had sex with every woman in this room."  "Well then," responds Geoff, "between the two of us we've had them all."

Jason Leslie
Jason Leslie aka the Heid

Position: Club President

DOB: 30/10/68


Insturmental in the success of Rugby at Strathie over the years  and for brining a whole flock of Kiwi's over to Scotland, just found out that his cousin coaches Marr Rugby in the same division.

Clubs Played For: Waitoh Juniors, Tiahape 1st XV, Kinton Army U 19, Te Kawau, Gordonians, Strathmore, NZ Oil Blacks, NZ Army Engineers Corp Team.

Honours: Scotland Clasics

AJ. Low (Alex John)
Position: Stand-Off or Full Back
DOB 15 11 1980. 
5' 8" stand off or full back.

Past 1st XV vice captain and Sevens captain. Clubs, Rannoch School, HKFC Grand Champions Team 1999, Aberdeen (Hong Kong) 10s, Strathmore and once more HKFC. 

The photo was taken during a game against Blairgowie when AJ almost got his lug torn off - 8 stiches.

Grahame Low
Grahame Low



last time I played for the1st XV  which was the same day I was able to play with AJ and Ross 2 of my 3 sons Mark, AJ and Ross.

Ross Low
Ross Low AKA Rat
Position: Scrum Half
DOB: 22 7 1982 younger but taller brother to AJ. 6' 2" scrum half or skinny 10, centre, wing or full back. DOB 22 7 1982. Hong Kong Under 19 international at scrum half.  Professional student now potential trainee solicitor.
I also include a photo of the last time I played for the1st XV  which was the same day I was able to play with AJ and Ross 2 of my 3 sons Mark, AJ and Ross.
  Daryl Lyndsey (Roberts) AKS Chunk / Big D

Position: Prop / Loose or Tighthead Prop 1, 2 or 3

Clubs Played for: Stobswell RFC, A.C.F, Strathmore

Honours: Scotland U18 / Blairgowrie 10's winner

Kyle Mitchell
Kyle Mitchell AKA "Lube Heed"
Position: Hooker / Prop
DOB: 7/12/87
Height: 5'9
Weight: 15Stone
Clubs: Strathmore Juniors, 2nd XV, 1st XV, Perthshire Colts, Perthshire
Achievements to date:  Youngest starting bi-sexual hooker/prop at Strathie(17).

Kyle has suplimented his apprentice wages by turning his heed into the "European Hair Gel Mountain." Selling it on to his bi-sexual pals. No much wonder he is rollon in it.. Buy some today...or try some fresh from his heed....it'll slip in a treat.
Website: Lube Here First

Bruce Morrice Bruce Morrice aka Bambi

Position: Flanker, shirt number 6

Background: Apprentice Joiner & Team Piss Heid


Frank Murphy

Frank Murphy aka Murph


Age: 54

Background: Cork Man

Website: Click Here

Gavin Nicoll
Gavin Nicoll

Club Vice President


Background Info: used to play 2nd Row


Sarel du Plessis
Sarel du Plessis is a 15 stone (94kg to those of you who are metric!) inside centre from Western Province in South Africa. He comes with an excellent rugby pedigree, having had a junior contract with Western Province for 2 years and having attended the Stellenbosch Rugby Academy.


Angela Phillip
Angela Phillip aka The Wee Piss Pot

Position: On Top

Age: Difficult to tell

Background: Sturdy wee thing, into fashionable up to the date clothing - good at the runnin, the drinkin, etc. etc

  Mike Purser AKA Turbo Dick

Age 23

Position: #12

Background:  Newly arrived at Strathie previous clubs include Glenfield RU (NZ) and Surfers Paradise (Aus)

Currently residing in the New Road Brothel, he took a bird up the road - as soon as she saw his member she got dressed and complained to him - " you told me in the pub you had at least a foot!"

"Shit No" he replied - "I said I had athletes foot!"


Road Runner
Road Runner aka Road Runner

Position: Master of the Web & Right or Left Wing

Age: 42

Background:  Not played for a long long time, bugered neck so cant anyway. Into athletics, hill running, former Thames Valley Harriers Captain, 

Gus Robb
Gus Robb

Former 1st Team Coach.  Took Strathie to National Division 3 winning promotion from the Caledonian Division during 2006/7 season.

Currently coaching with Strathmore Schools at Webster's High in Kirriemuir and looking after the alternative curriculum on2feet groups

Recently completed Trail cycle leader award and working on Mountain bike leader award for the future
Age: over 21

Donald Robertson
Donald Robertson aka Big Dong

Position: Hooker

Age: 35

Background: Former Dundee Tink.  Now in Wales - met a burd on tour and was never seen again!


Keith Robertson
Keith Robertson aka Plug

Position: 2nd Row, shirt number 5

Background: Sparky

Sponsored by: Pete Leslie

Website:  Click Here


Craig Simm
Craig Simm aka Tsunami

Position: Prop , shirt number 2 or 3

Name: Kelvin Soppet
Occupation:  Purple Ronnie’s Biatch/ crocodile wrestler
AKA: Soapy (tit wank)
Height: 5’ 8 1/2”
Weight: 85kg
1st Team 5 or 8 (its ‘stand off’ soft cock)
Home Town:
Player Sponsor: Ian Robertson Contracts
Maramarua; Onewhero; Hau    raki (North); Spalding
Achievements to date: 

He did a round trip to the national dogging championships in Wales christmas 2006, in his Green Skoda all without breaking down or losing erectile function.

Lived with Deek Simm... he is proud to have survived Deek’s cooking and still remained relatively skinny! (obviously nae mirrors in Deek’s hoose!)

However, his goldfish wasn’t so lucky.. It died One Day. The wifey next door looked over the fence to see Kelvin digging a hole Deek’s back garden. She asked, "Kelvin, why are you digging a hole in your garden?"
Kelvin replied, "Because I'm having a funeral for my Goldfish."
With a puzzled look on her face the wifey next door said, "Oh yes! But, Kelvin that is an awfy big hole for a Goldfish?"
Kelvin looked at her and replied, "That's because he's in your Fuckin' Cat."

  Colin Strachen

Age 20

Position Left Wing (14)

Derek Stewart
Derek Stewart aka Spug

Ken Stewart
Ken Stewart

Club Treasurer

Age: Retired at 105

John Westwood
John Westwood aka Westie

Position: Number 8

Background: Former Team Captain

  Jamie Wilson

Position: 5, 6, 8

Background: Played for  Perthsire & Strathmore


  David Wren

Background: Architect and Welsh - say no more!


Robin Young
Robin Young aka Captain Eddie

Position: Full Back, shirt no 15 & Ex First XV Captain

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